Sunday, December 31, 2006
&happynewyear! Y
okay its like... 22 minutes till the next year.
everyone's counting down, be it people outside, or people at home. this year i'm staying at home. next year? i wna go out and party=x
year 2006. it has been another year where i grew up. this, is going to be a sentimental post.
okay firstly, the biggest thing that happened is that i fell in love with dongbang. everything else seems to pale in importance. and i met a great bunch of friends whom i'll never forget.
2006 has also been an important year for me because i finally decided what i wanted to be, and actually took a step in that direction.
i overcame quarrels and problems with friends, and family. i grew up, basically. cause now i know whats important and whats not. im learning how to let go and how to actually accept things for what it is.
people come and go. the people who have stayed with me throughout are the ones who are truely friends, and people who really matter. throughout my tears and rantings, they have stood by me. when i was hysterical and when i was steaming, they were there to lend an ear. thank you. you know who you are, and if u guys ever read this. thank you.
2006. it passed by so so quickly. somehow, i feel more sentimental this year then for any other years. 2007. what will it be like? i hope it will be another PEACEFUL. fruitful, and super great year. i know i'll have to put down some things in order to manage my time. i might have to put aside dongbang to concentrate on xlf, or on my studies. PAITING! they had such a postive impact on my life. even if they will NEVER ever know it, they really helped me alot. im sure they had such an impact on others too.
okay i shall try to use this blog for very long.
12 more minutes.
this year, has been. eventful. good, and bad. laughs and tears.
im determined to make 2007 work.
no one shall ruin it. i shall smile. i shall learn how to forgive. i shall be a nice johanna. not an unreasonable one. i shall try not to spend more money. i know it might be impossible. but still.
on the tv, they are aready counting down.
ten more minutes.
i swear im not going to think much of him. i shant feel sad whenever i think of him. not anymore. when 2007 comes, im going to be a brand new me.
nine more minutes.
im going to treasure everyone around me. i will let everyone know i care. i will be a good friend to people who love me.
eight more minutes.
i will study hard . i will not slack. i will not sleep during lessons. i will pay attention. i will not fail maths anymore. i will try my hardest to pass my o's. i do my best in my studies. a lot of impossible stuff, but heck it. its MY new years resolutions aint it?
seven more minutes.
i will be a good daughter to my parents. i will be a nice cousin to the little cousins. i will be a nice older sister to my sisters. i will not shout when im pissed. i shall try. =/ i really will. too many resolutions? maybe. but i will try really really!
six more minutes.
im not going to be too naive. i shant trust too much. i'll only open myself up to people i can trust. that way, i wont gt hurt =) i will become more mature and put aside petty stuff . and stop being too unreasonable or sensitive.
five more minutes.
i will slim down. i will stop eating so much. i will overcome my fears. i will become more confident. i will get rid of my pimples. i will be a better person throughout i will be thin for 2007!
four more minutes.
i dont really know what to say. i will be a better dongbang fan. better as in not blindly buying their stuffs. i will admire their music. i wont fantaasize about stuff that can never happen. =) i shall concentrte on doing stuff that will actually be able to happen.
three more minutes.
i will make my dreams come true. i will. i will not slack. i will not. i will try my hardest and do my best for xlf! improve my singing, go and learn dancing, do what ever it takes.
two more minutes.
i love my dog. i love my parents. i love my *sisters* i love my friends. i love sfc. i love weewee. i love eve . i love shiqi. i love everyone who loves me. i love them. i will treasure them.
last few minutes before midnight.
one minute.
i... will go back to church.
=)
i will not be self centered.
i will not be greedy.
i will love God because he loves me.
counting down!
everyones crowding in frotn of the tv.
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!!
DONGBANG HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
xoxo
7:37 AM
Thursday, December 28, 2006
&9a9a Y
lala i dont care. this is going to be a long post on the issues of the world. yea man. like real. HOHO.
should i like continue making graphics? hahahaha.
i think not. shall just continue editing my beautiful pics -.-
tmr im going out! with bestfriend and her master. LOL we're meeting at one! i shall try to sneak off with the hundred bucks my mum forgot to take back frm me. HAHA. and we'll take lots of pics and i will come back and edit. HOHO i love zi pai-ing. pity im not photogenic at all!
=( hahahaha i just bluffed weewee that i met luo zhi xiang in taiwan. yes its nice to dream.
omg i had a bad dream last night. BAD BAD DREAM. i was pregnant, and was going to marry. and the worst part? THE GROOM WAS EFFING UGLY. omg. LOL so yea i ran away. LOL
sigh.
idk why i have such weirdo dreams.
anyway, abigail found maggots in the hamster cage just now. like wdf YUCKS. and i havent bathe but im going soon.
for the 274659302th time, i swear im going on a diet. =x
HURHUR. maybe if im determined enough i shall stick to it. but i cant survive without food! omg. aiyo photoshop slows my whole com down. -.-
be back later with more rantings which will go unnoticed.
xoxo
7:18 AM
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
&2.28am Y
hoho. im so so cold.just came back from doing photoshop, and im so so colddddd. did i mention that? daddy's bugging me to get off the com.
anyway.
long time since i posted any photos.
here are some.
weewee's legs. when we were working.
shiki and i on christmas eve.
pretty water at esplanade's library. that library is pretty much useless for borrowing books.
sitting at a stairwell. with weewee waiting.
its 2.24am and im still cold.
i wish i were strong enough.
strong enough to not need you.
my resolutions spoilt everytime.
maybe still i cant let go.
one day i swear i'd forget.
till then...
im one drama queen baby.
xoxo
10:11 AM
&lahasd Y
there was like this earthquake somewhere, and now our internet connections are screwed cause of it. rah. it takes quite long to even type too! hence, i decided to come and blog.
school is starting in like a few days. went to school with karen today, to buy books. hoho i missed her . bc's still in china i guess. long time no contact with whb too . =( now, im using microsoft photo editor to edit my photos its some lan peh program, but will have to make do. aw gosh im getting sick =( all those chocos and my lack of willpower.
this month, i did alot of things. i think. the feeling is like i did do lotsa stuff. okay lets see. i worked. i shopped. i played. i got through the exams, we did the auditions. yep its quite alot.
when school reopens, i'll have to do my homework. which i havent started on yet. i'll do it soon! i promise. maybe. i think. =x
will be back or sth =)
xoxo
7:39 AM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
&laggylaggerlagging Y
okay i'm back at my own house le.
meeting weewee tmr. going to church.
my christmas cards haven't even do finish. AHHHH. shall stay up tonight. tmr too.
monday theres the sfc thing. afterwards dno how im spending my christmas alrd.
TSZX! sigh. i have no idea why they aren't that popular. their voices are great!! new band i found out today! haha. xing. the youngest member, kevin, is fifteen too!
sigh. i miss dongbang.
comp lagging.
xoxo
8:12 AM
Friday, December 22, 2006
&audition Y
today was audition day!
first, wanjun and nic came over to eve's hse.. then we sat there and discuss for awhile then went out to eat and buy materials blabla..
then.. omg.
audition. they were so nice lah! along with honey and laogong. they actually waited till it was our turn. took quite a long time too! <3
okay. now to touch on the audition.
we had three people.. two wireless mics plus one wired. i took the wired one. omg. was so so so scared of tripping. cause i always manage to fall down and look stupid. thus, i held on to the wire for dear life for the first few minutes. aish. mianhae!
i think i screwed my rhythm for some parts too.. then some dancing parts i too rushed. AISH.
but i think we were okay la considering its first audition =x expect to get rejected. lala. nvm
PAITING!
=D
xoxo
ps: dear shiki.
im sick too.
thanks ar
pps:
wee wee im sorry tmr cant accompany you.
<333
see you on sunday =D
10:50 AM
Thursday, December 21, 2006
"es. Y
is this going to be some emo post? night two at eve's house. shiqi went home just now. yesterday we stayed up till around four. Eve was already sleeping. and she kept laughing. Shiqi i meant.
i highly suspect shes crazy=/ waha and she did christmas cards. guess what my dear. i shall do them too =x
my theme shall be black and white. and bronze plus silver. nice? i hope so. shall do it later in the night.
went shopping with a hundred bucks. went to make ic photo in the morning. it was utterly horrible. =/ embarrasing. then met with melty, honey and laogong tgt with eve at ps.then, we went to eat and all while waiting for dear wanjun. lala. i cant believe i only bought a pair of jeans. ONLY! *@)@ spent the rest on christmas cards and stuff.
then at night went to melts hse. omg its super cool! haha the pool table is like concealed and everything, as a dining table. ah. then we played pool until left me and laogong playing.
omg i think honey's super xing gan. when she dance just now. OMG. so xing gan! haha yen's hot. =/ like the way she dance luh. bu kui shi dancer from young. then at night ordered mac and stuff and did christmas cards. =D
tmr's the audition.
sigh. okay shall close off with a quote.
i like it =)
there's so much about me that you don't know
&you'll never understand.
we don't lose our friends. we simply find out who our real ones are.
somewhere deep in your heart, is someone whom you're dying to forget,
but living to remember.
always FORGIVE. but never FORGET.
learn your mistakes, but never REGRET.
xoxo
8:36 AM
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
&lala Y
watching hana kimi now at eve's hse. tonight is sleepover night! fun fun. wahaha.
im hungry T.T ate alot alot these few days. okay nothing new. but i feel fat. =(
audition on friday! tmr gng shopping! haha but haven't decided go where. x=
im typing in lines lines lines.
lala. its like hostel life. x))
be right back!
i want n73 =((( mummy say its out of stock though. i wnt i want i want!!! x=
xoxo
3:22 AM
Monday, December 18, 2006
&lala Y
i lost my temper today. kinda. =x
its just that i cant stand tht a**hole guy.
BAH i know i was totally rude to him and all. like what i told eve, [please and thank you were at the tup of my tongue. i just kept it in] i must sound like some bitch yah.
i think im so crude. can't hold it in though.
LALA.
hate it. i hope i can keep my new years resolutions. please please. im getting fatter and fatter.
i dno why these posts always sound like im some... maybe i am luh.
contradicting.
i shant be late tomorrow or liow wee wee will KILL me. =( ima late queen. tmr meeting with seller for my online stuffs. yay! =D and on thursday, we're gg shopping! im staying at eve's hse frm weds to friday though.
materialistic materialistic materialistic. my com is super lag now. =( i want n73 please! then i can take loads of pictures. =D and blast dongbang songs. i shall stay of chips and all. plus fatty stuffs.
tomorrows the last day of work! =D cant believe its all over so quickly. i'll miss wee wee. even though we say we're gng church together on sunday. sigh.
i wna be thinnnnnn.
xoxo
ps: eve ah get well soon! =D
8:21 AM
Sunday, December 17, 2006
&laala Y
i am 5'4, 108 lbs. went to some yahoo thing and searched. omg im so so so fat >< got to lose weight!
i never seem to have the willpower to though. even now, i'm hungry. =( yea the fortune teller was super right. the mole at the corner of my mouth is a greedy mole. i shall REMOVE it! RAHHHHH. someday. just not now. i shall be so determined to not get up and get something to eat. RAH. im hungry =/
lets search for my BMI. i bet it's super unhealthy or something. i want to be thin thin thin like shiki! sigh. the world isn't perfect. if only i could snap my fingers and tadahhhhh! im thin.
sigh. i notice a trend in today's posts. so so so materialistic. and so superficial. God save me. i said i wanted to go back to church. but did i? no i didn't.
RAH.
ah forget it. shall go online shop =)
xoxo
you were never there.
not when i turned around.
8:41 AM
&-- Y
i want a new phone.
i know i blogged a minute or so ago.
BAH.
they're wasting money on unessecary stuffs. okay i know i am too. whatever. BAH. i want n73 can can? =( that's my dream phone! i want i want i want. drools *
gah i sound like some lil materialistic girl. okay luh i am. who isn't? who doesn't crave for something more? i know i do. sigh. i want that phone...!
i havent been going to the forum. i'll probably get lost there.
i don't wna be lazy anymore.
i don't wna be an unreasonable daughter.
i don't wna scream at my sisters.
i don't wna be materialistic.
i don't wna fail.
sigh.
xoxo
3:15 AM
&im nuts. Y
freak luh. i hate them. bloody shitheads.
and im supposed to say [wo yuan liang ni] go to hell.
its a super small matter.
my laptop's desktop is disfigured thanks to that sister of mine. omg. -.-
idk what went through her mind when she decided to create everything and pin everything to the desktop.i suppose she thinks its nice. wdf now i have to put everything back. thanks alot my dear.
supermini thing. wdffffff. i guess im just in a bad mood? then my dear dad came and screamed at me. bth.then he told me to ask someone if i didnt know how to make everything back. i thought my answer was a good one and made perfect sense. [of course i'll ask the person who did all this correct? i ask you you know meh?!] yes and i was right. after fiddling around. tadah! he didnt know how to make it back.
stupid shitters.
got to revise korean. irin's korean is so much better then mine luh.
shall repeat the mantra. "i must forgive...." "wo yao yuan liang..."
aish. mianhae. i didnt mean to scream. okay maybe i did. BAH. i hate feeling guilty after i overeacted or acted like some big missy. RAH.
i hate you you you you you! sigh. ='(
xoxo
3:03 AM
Friday, December 15, 2006
&@(#@ Y
rah.
its so irritating when you find you're down for no ryhme or reason. its pretty assholey when its always because you're thinking too much. freak.
let me be.
its not as if you care anyway.
rah. lets smile to my mum. lets smile to my dad.
there's nothing wrong here.
no i shant cry. tears are weak. at least for now. i don't want anymore weaknesses.
go away.
go away.
go away.
why can't moodswings go away. why i can't i be on a virtual high 24/7. why can't i always stay positive.
it's as if no one gives a fck. not anymore.
or maybe they didnt give any in the first place.
i'm always expecting too much.
i'm always thinking too much.
i shall laugh like there's nothing wrong with me.
nothing wrong at all.
ps: happy birthday kim junsu =)
xoxo
8:34 AM
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
&lala Y
hm. honey yen and salad jingyu wrote a fic for me! sweet luh they all. =D
not really in a mood to blog.
however... sigh.
i really love my blog song! and i have to buck up on my korean so i can blog in korean. and speak in korean. i think i wouldnt survive in korea though. the food should be quite spicy and stuff. ima not sure, never tried it. watched the arirang (spelling) show just now. there was something on the korean wave, on dancing. sorta like street and break dancing. i think the way they dance was GREAT. omg?! like they could do things i'd never ever seen before, even on tv. the way they spun around so effortlessly. WOAH. =D i love it.
sigh. fortune teller came today. he said that i didnt have too good a temper, and was impatient. and he said that i would marry late. by that he meant late twenties and all. blabla. all the stuff was quite zhun.
sigh. and he said that 我们原谅！that means that we have to learn how to forgive, which is quite true. forgive and forget. actually i've done that a long time ago. forgive and forget. i made mistakes too. who doesnt? forgive and forget. move on. let go.
everything links back to my dear friend. i shan't expect too much out of someone who can't give me anything. =) i shall simply be there.
im working towards my dream. our goal. that's what it is. look at dongbang standing on the stage. they had their times when they thought like this too. maybe? 서라붕 바이팅! auditions this friday. JIA YOU! hope we get in. i think i want this too much to let it go. i want it so much i can't see myself doing anything else. maybe. what if i can't? what if we don't suceed? never mind. try and try again.
sm is such a big place.
sigh. JIA YOU!
pictures gg be put up soon =D
xoxo
5:45 AM
Monday, December 11, 2006
&lalawonderland. Y
老天真爱开玩笑。原本说。。 忘记忘记一定要忘记。今天。。
i think it's a huge joke. seriously. leaving or not? yeah. i dont want things to end. i want you to be there. can you?
whenever i expect too much you're never there. when i want to forget, there you are. is this not a joke? stupid.
today i told wee wee i would blog about her. okay then i shall =/
i love love her. and we're getting mushier everyday. seriously. yes i tell almst everything to her and i hope she'll do the same.. =D nah actually i dont know what to say.
shes a great friend who'll always listen and never judge. that's the most important factor. even though we don't meet up at all(except for recently), we still are close. maybe like what someone said. you dont have to talk to stay close. to me, wee wee will always be someone i can call no matter what. i loveyou girl =D
omg.
sigh.
and u were sweet to wait for me around my house. lala so sweet. even my mum said so.
ilu.
xoxo
i'd try hard not to believe that without you i'm nothing.
then i'll open my eyes to find that i really can't imagine me without you.
asshole. go away.
no don't.
bah i can't make up my mind.
either be there forever or go away before i fall further.
7:56 AM
Sunday, December 10, 2006
&happybirthday to me. Y
okay happy birthday to me again! =D
anyway, today was the lws exam.
reached kbox at cine and sang sang sang. practice for songs and everything. karen (the makeup person) helped us makeup in kbox and we kept dragging the time. and today i noticed people looking at me up and down esp small kids and aunties. they must be noticing my attire and everything luh. asses. =x
then proceeded to lws. i stole a star stirrer thing frm kbox=D its so freaking cute i couldnt help myself. ohwell =/ then...practiced ying yue hai in the club house.
was freaking nervous. it didnt really sink in till i sat down waiting for the thing to start. then the thing started. there were people walking around outside. scary man. then it was my turn. hm. went up and fumbled a lil. oh well. then started singing. AHHH. hand shook. then i kinda went omgomgomg. hm. thank you to the girl standing outside who smiled at me. that lil gesture made me more confidant =D. kamsahamnida!
woots. then it was over. after tht my heartbeat accelerated. i am so lag hao bu hao.
five more mins to go.
anyway. shiki is disappointed in herself and she thinks she will fail. have no idea how to really comfort her cause i also not vry sure if i will fail plus i already told her she wont fail.. sigh.
cheer up my dear!
uv 134, i'll always remember you guys.
ariel, who can be as good as our tcher. the one who organized everything and the adult among us. the one who introed karen to help us do our makeup and the one who taught us better ways to sing.
ellie, the one who loves love loves kelly. the one who refuses to take pictures, the one who gen wo shi tong yi guo de ren.
elieen, the cool rock kinda girl whos extremely preety. the one who knows all the weird weird songs that we all never ever heard of before. the one who always goes to malaysia =D
alvin, the guy whom we always 'bully'. the guy who always says jie mei 184! -.- and the one who always says 'lets go!' oh yes and the one who likes .... HAHA. =x
irin and shiki i dont need say le ba? the ones who make seo ra pung whole. =D the ones who i love love love <3
its past twelve. its over.
my alter-ego is kaei. she shall be who i am not. when im her, i can be everything im not. Anyone, but me. =)
im not confident enough. thats what brings me down the MOST. i have to build that up and get over everything.
i dont wna be stuck in an office as an adult. i wna live my dreams. thats what i told melty. impossible is nothing. nothing is impossible.
forget it. he hasnt wished me at all. fuck. whatever. shouldnt have expected anything at all. =D i shall be happy and forget he ever came into my life. childish? thats the only way to erase the traces.
xoxo
ps: i love dongbang.
pps: i wna be just like them
ppps: lala. i love dongbang.
7:30 AM
Saturday, December 09, 2006
& its mybirthday Y
im officially six minutes into being fifteen.
another day older and another year wiser.
am i really?
i feel like crying. oh well.
i wonder if he'll remember.
forget it.
todays the exam too! =D
AISH.
i shall force my mum to sing korean happy birthday for me
twinnies are getting me stuff to!
wah lao damn sweet.
=DD
i love them.
seriously i do.
even though we argued a few hours back.
God im so grateful cause You gave me everything i have now.
i love you.
xoxo
8:06 AM
Friday, December 08, 2006
&nono Y
went for korean class today. it was FUN.
went for work with wee wee. as usual i was late =/ i think there's always something stopping me from being early. got to get rid of that bad bad bad habit. sigh. arrived for work. did some random stuff that involved selling clothes and everything. oh yes. wee wee's so proud that she sold 86$ worth of stuff to an aunty =/ fine lor . ahaha!
lunch, it was raining so so so heavily. then we had to walk to the market in that horrible rain. my shoes got so so wet and i could feel water sloshing around. damn gross. wee wee got splashed by a car and she insists that her bad luck for the rest of the day was thanks to a black cat -.- lala. ice kacang + porridge. mailed my first letters today. =D
after that rushed down to city hall. we got lost thanks to me. see i admit =x im kind of a direction idiot but at least i got us to pennisular plaza! haha and the tchrs name is chaeyeon! so exciting. and she likes dongbang too! =D wah seh can! haha she went like dongbang joahaeyo! or something like that. learnt easy stuff.
there were supposed to be twenty people in the class but only 14 turned up. aish. hmmmmmmmmmm. took pics today with wee wee. shall send her next time. lala
xoxo
8:01 AM
Thursday, December 07, 2006
&you're all that i want Y
im feeling bad now. kind of down, for no reason at all. work work work. it's getting monotonous (spelling) and im tired. business has been bad at the warehouse sales, and so yeah we've been slacking.
today, there wasn't any sneaking off to eat ice kacang. fell asleep and woke up when wee wee kicked me awake cause my aunt came back =/ all of us were falling asleep.
oh yes. chloe's sucha cutie. i love her luh. her english is so so good and she gets high easily. oh yes she's obedient too. if she's not allowed to go down or anywhere, she doesn't kick up a fuss or anything. i think if it were me at her age, i'd be whining and kicking up a helluva storm. sigh. she's going back to malaysia on saturday but she said she was going to visit us on friday! haha && she wished me happy birthday too. aw man i'm going to miss her for a few days.
luckily there's wee wee to keep me company. i think i'd be bored to death if not. sigh. i keep waking up late nowadays. i dont know why but everytime i try to be early i'd still end up late. it's kind of sad actually.
okay tmr's korean class with melty and laogong! =D finally can go and learn. i hope i can keep up cause ima bit stupid. sigh.
lala. i hope i get high soon.
xoxo
ps: theres no dongbang. and i realized that wee wee liked dbsk way way way earlier then i did. just that she's not as obessed. long time since i translated news. im tired from working. shall not put of translating. SIGH.
7:55 AM
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
&diediedie Y
Finally i found out how to post. Open it in another window and TADAH.
hm. anyway tomorrow there's work again. and after that is rehearsal at eve's karaoke room. sigh the exam is coming. so is my birthday.
i'm nervous. so so nervous.
have to go soon.
sigh.
byebye.
xoxo
8:03 AM
&diediedie Y
Finally i found out how to post. Open it in another window and TADAH.
hm. anyway tomorrow there's work again. and after that is rehearsal at eve's karaoke room. sigh the exam is coming. so is my birthday.
i'm nervous. so so nervous.
have to go soon.
sigh.
byebye.
xoxo
8:03 AM